Pretty

What is pretty? Why is there so much pressure (as a girl) to be pretty? I mean, heck, our society's definition of "pretty" changes almost everyday...so what does it really mean?

When I was young I never wore makeup, mostly because I wasn't allowed. But I never cared about it that much because I wasn't aware that there was anything physically wrong with me. Then in 5th grade all my friends started wearing glitter...you know, the kind that you bought from Bath and Body Works that has the roller, it was really wet and it go all over everything. But thats what was cool, if you wore glitter you were cool, and pretty. So of course I asked my mom for some and started wearing it. The glitter in my middle school got so out of control that our principal had to ban it. No joke.

So then in like 7th or 8th grade I wanted to be "Prom Barbie" for halloween and my boyfriend would be my "Ken." I wore one of my mom's old dresses and she curled my hair and then, for the first time, she did my makeup. I mean all of it, from the foundation, to the mascara. I was completely done up. When I finally looked at myself in the mirror of the bathroom I didn't even recognize myself, but I kind of liked it....I felt grown up, I felt like one the those girls you see in fashion magazines...I felt pretty.

After that I wanted to wear makeup all the time. I liked the way it felt to look like someone different, to look like the girls in the magazines that I had admired so much, I started to like myself better with makeup than without, and I started realizing that I wanted to start figuring out how else I could make myself look better. My clothes, my figure, my hair...etc.

By my freshman year of high school my self perception was so distorted that I hated myself. I was stressed because I was going through adolescence, I felt pressure to look a certain way, to be a certain size, to have certain hairstyles, and to like certain things. I wasn't very happy and worst of all I hadn't had an actual conversation with my Lord since I don't know when.

I had been saved when I was 8 years old and even though I don't remember much about being that age, I know that I had to have been happy. When you're that young what do you really have to worry about? Life is so care free and easy and you love yourself and your friends and your family and there's no pressure to be anything. You're just loved for being you. When I stopped loving myself I had forgotten that....

Im not sure on the exact day I found myself underneath everything I had been trying to be. I don't know what year or if there was an "Ah Ha!" moment. If I had to guess I'd say it might be when something happened to one of my cousins, that made me realize how much love was in my family. My cousin was my role model, she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, she was smart and everything I wanted to be someday. Watching her struggle and seeing the way our family responded showed me that they loved her so much that it didn't matter what hard times she was going through, it didn't matter if she made bad decisions or even doubted herself, because they loved her no matter what and they always would.

Even though I'm sorry that my cousin had to face that really hard time in her life, Im thankful, because it was through that situation that I was able to love myself again. I mean it makes sense: the only people we really care about in this life is our family and our true friends, and those people love us for no other reason than simply because we are who we are. I don't have to wear the right clothes, or cake on tons of makeup to gain that love from them, and even greater is knowing that I don't have to be a certain way in order for God to love me.

I would be lying if I said that I never struggle with the way I look, because I do sometimes. But just recently I was finally able to wrap my head around the fact that I needed to start worrying more about how "pretty" I was on the inside. I need to focus on what God had given me and use everything to glorify Him. God thinks I am SO incredibly smart, and beautiful, and worthy, and no matter what I go through, HIS approval is the only one I need and He will always love me; no matter what I look like, and that makes me feel pretty all the time.

Below is a link to a video on youtube that I really love, it has one inapropriate word in it but the message is so inspiring and so very true. It made me feel pretty....
VIEWER DISCRESSION ADVISED.